"Sex With A Monkey" lyrics - DAVE CHAPPELLE

I don't know where AIDS comes from. Who the fuck knows? Scientists don't even know. Scientists still say AIDS started because somebody had sex with a monkey. Word? After all these researches, the best explanation that you came up with - NOBODY fucks monkeys AND people, you idiot!
You either "fuck monkeys", or you "fuck people." That's it. There's no... in-between.

...You're not going to get monkey pussy on Tuesday and then be like, "Well, let me call Charlene," on Thursday. No! Once you've fucked a monkey, that's a FIRM DECISION. I'm OUT of the human pussy game, FOR GOOD. It's ridiculous!

They act like monkeys are just as open as waiting for people to fuck them, man. Monkeys don't want to be fucked by people! Think about it. Think about *how hard* it would be... to CATCH a monkey... and FUCK it. That's ridiculous. That's how it had to go down. Do you think you're just going to walk up to him, in the woods, and bribe this nigga with fruits and bananas? -

"Hey, buddy, hey."
(Mimes offering the food)
"Yeah, there you go, buddy... yeaahhh."
(Mimes petting followed by bottom-groping)
"There you goooo, with your big, bright red ass."
(Mimes unzipping his pants)
(Whisper)
"This big bright red bootyyyy."

- Do you know how *strong* a monkey is? It would rip your dick off, like a celery stalk. "Grrr." Throw that shit in the tall grass, to never be seen again? -

"...Hey, dog, we're going to go to the club, pick up some girls, you trying to roll?"

"No, man, I'm cool. I'm going to stay home, dog, chill with my monkey....You know how long it took me to train this monkey to suck my dick without peeling it? Mmm! Last night, Chimp-Chimp jerked me off with his feet, nigga. Only a 'monkey' can show you that kind of love and tenderness. So you all keep fucking these people if you want, niggas. It's more monkey pussy for MEEE!...I'm hooking up with an 'orangutang' next week. That's all I fuck, is chimps and orangutaaaangs."